Wild Wild Words

Social Commentary
by
Christopher Wilde
Politics, Movies, Television, Current Events, Pop Culture, Opinion, Future Philosophy

Future Philosophy

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Short Story: The Wait

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Sunday, June 29, 2008

Dear Ginger Hair

By Christopher Wilde

 

Dear Beautiful Red Headed Girl,

Who kept smiling so sweetly at me Saturday night at the Salt Lake Art's festival.  You caught my eye while listening to Atherton and then disappeared while I was buying my CD's.  It's not that I didn't want to talk to you, or that I'm too shy, (I'm not).  It's just that if I talk to you the first time I see you then it's only a chance meeting, and if I  ever bump into you a second time then it's fate.

Don't take it personally I ignore a lot of flirtation this way.  I did come back a second night but I didn't see you anywhere.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Summer of Gun

By Christopher Wilde

My summer is slammed but it's hard to not take a few minutes and say something about the Supreme Court decision striking down D.C.'s long standing gun ban.  While I am liberal on a lot of issues this is not one of them. 

The colonists of this nation were not the good people, they were just people.  In England and in many parts of the colonies they were viewed as rebels and traitors.  Nobody in England wanted these pathetic Americans to have guns.

For me gun ownership has been about self-protection and, should we ever need it, the right to overthrow our government.

In listening to various debates about yesterday's decision I continue to hear about the escalation of violence in America's inner cities.  One pundit was saying that in his day they took away zip guns, but today things have escalated to automatic weapons.

What I hear in those statements is that we have failed our inner cities.  We have failed our poor.  We want to disarm them.

Were it not for the sounds of automatic gunfire the poor in this country would all but be ignored.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Hydrogen Infrastructure

By Christopher Wilde

There are only twenty hydrogen stations in California to refuel Honda's new hydrogen car (the FCX Clarity).  There is a catch-22 in which providers don't want to invest in refueling stations until they see more cars capable of using the fuel. 

A possible solution to this problem would be to give special permits and tax incentives to auto dealers to enter the refueling business.  This would drive more auto manufactures to produce a greater number of hydrogen vehicles and apply greater pressure on oil and gas companies to make a switch.

An even better solution may be Honda's home energy solution, a plan under development at Honda to create a hydrogen generating plant in your home (just add water).

Friday, June 20, 2008

The Vasectomy We've All Been Waiting For

By Christopher Wilde

Researchers at the University of Adelaide, Australia led by doctor Said Al-Sarawi have been developing a radio controlled vasectomy.

The device (at right) is a size of a grain of rice and placed in the vas deferens.  Using a coded radio controlled remote the device can be turned on and off at will by the user.

The device is ready for lab testing but is still a few years off from human trials.  Still it is the most promising and innovative idea for male contraception ever envisioned.

Sign me up!

Men will run to get these- hopefully in secret.  Just imagine all the sex a married man can get from his wife while she thinks she's trying to have a baby.

She doesn't even have to know.  Later when she forces you to the doctor to have your sperm count checked, just turn it on and "poof" there's nothing wrong.  Your boys can swim as easily as you lock your car door.

Because the device is so small it can be inserted into the body with a hypodermic needle, virtually undetectable.

Just imagine men what it would be like to never ever fear an unwanted pregnancy from a crazy, baby hungry ovulating woman.

Best off all a responsible man who keeps knowledge of the device a cherished secret may have the ultimate fidelity testing machine!  You'll have the last laugh the day your wife or girlfriend tries to foist someone else's baby on you.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Moroni's Horn Looks Like a Beer Bong

By Christopher Wilde

This May the Utah Hospitality Association began spearheading an initiative to end Utah's private club membership scheme.  For those of you out of state the current law requires that when you go to an establishment serving liquor (what you know as a bar) you are required to pay a membership fee.  The fee consists of purchasing a temporary or year long pass to the specific "private club" before entering.

Use of the membership scheme is an unusual practice to those living out of state, and for those of us in state who choose to go to a private club to drink, or socialize, it's just an annoying reminder that this state is predominantly run and controlled by a statewide, majority population of Mormons.

It is admirable that the Utah Hospitality Association would like to bring us more in line with other states.  That would be a good thing for the image of Utah, and it's something are Republican Governor has voiced some support for, however it's really going to come down to the leadership of the LDS church.  There's the rub, because while state conservatives would have you believe the law exists to promote safety by cutting down on bar hopping, under the theory that this will help eliminate drunk driving, the reality is that is not why the law exists at all.

The purpose of the law is so that every time someone, whether a Utah native or a visitor from another state, goes into a private club they are reminded that they are not a Mormon.  It's a subtle way of saying, 'since you won't join our church we want you to know we (mormon's) despise you and your unholy practice of drinking alcohol'.

Mormon's generally have a lot of fear when it comes to private clubs and drinking.  Since they don't drink they don't understand why anyone would want to, and can not understand or appreciate the subtle pleasure of having a single glass or two of red wine with dinner.  They are, as a result of their fear, unlikely to support the measure.

Despite what anyone will say in debate leading up to a vote on this issue, the reality is that when Mormon's walk up to the voting kiosk they will, regardless of the facts, vote against the measure.  In their minds they will see this as an us versus them issue and will vote to put a mote in the eye of their non-mormon brethren.

 

...Wild Wild Words

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Starbucks Only Half Way There

By Christopher Wilde

I use to frequent Starbucks, it was a good place to embed and write on my days off.  That was until I borrowed a laptop and discovered they charged for Wi-Fi.  From then on I moved to a local coffee chain that has always provided free Internet.

Starbucks has now formed a partnership with AT&T and have concocted a strenuous scheme to keep customers in it's store by offering half-and-half WI-FI.  Under the new partnership customers will purchase a Starbucks gift card with at least a $5 credit. To keep the card active you will half to use the card at least once a month.  For all of this hassle you get two free hours of WI-FI service.  That's right two whole hours!

Somehow that is a better deal for Starbucks than the three drinks I would buy camping out for the whole day doing my writing.  How much longer before the Starbuck's McDonalds merger?

Super Hero News

By Christopher Wilde

 

At 56 the still incredibly beautiful Lynda Carter, famous for portraying Wonder Woman on television in the seventy's, found a body floating in the Potomac River this week while rowing. 

Apparently she did not have a cell phone or magic lasso with her and yelled to some fisherman who called police. She then waited with the body.

Police are investigating the death, D.C. police identified the woman as 47-year-old Helen Johnstone.

Friday, June 6, 2008

McCain or Obama?

by Christopher Wilde

Up to and until Obama cinched the nomination I held that either Obama or McCain would be good Presidents. To the extent that nothing horrible is likely to befall the nation under either man I still hold that both could sufficiently lead the nation, though in different directions. Those directions are important but I’m not gauging them against what they could accomplish rather than exonerating them from the likely harm they would cause. As both men are progressives among their parties they will endeavor to make some positive changes for the nation. My opinion of McCain started to turn south on Tuesday when he established the tenor of his Presidential campaign.

McCain proposed that the upcoming election is about one thing more than any other. His speech Tuesday night started an argument to divide the nation.

He said, “I have a few years on my opponent, so I am surprised that a young man has bought in to so many failed ideas.”

That’s right your vote in this Presidential election is about his generation versus my generation Baby Boomers versus Generation X, Y, and whatever the latest title is for those just now gaining the vote. McCain’s generation has had it’s time to lead and it’s important to recognize that it is not his generation that has propelled a black man into the Presidential election. It’s mine.

When it comes to the issues and causes these men take up in office there is a low level of risk for voting for either man. For McCain’s sake I believe that he will bring a level of competence to the war that we have not seen. I foresee him establishing a level of peace and workability in Iraq that will allow him to withdraw troops with a kind of victory. He is also likely to deploy Special Forces and bring back Osama Bin Laden with out hesitation.

Obama, for his part will also withdraw troops and I trust his judgment to do so under a time table that will most likely exceed his hopes at this time, but will never-the-less put the right pressure on the Iraq government to get it together.

Obama will work to give us a Health Care system that is badly needed and McCain will work to bring fiscal responsibility to Washington. Both are sorely needed and one is not likely to be more successful than the other.

By continuing the generational argument McCain is guaranteeing to lose my potential vote. This may seem trivial point to turn on but what struck me when he made the argument was how it was fundamentally the same argument Hillary had been making. Hillary promoted her experience over Obama’s change, tried to claim her time in the White House and her association with Bill Clinton made her the better candidate, and like McCain acted as if the office was owed her. Yet in all their time in office and all their promises neither has been able to bring about the kind of coalition to make those changes.

John McCain and Hillary Clinton are, in a way, outsiders of their own party. Neither individual has been able to make the changes they’ve wanted within government and believe that this is possible by holding the top office of the land. However in both of them there exists a beleaguered arrogance that suggests they want the office for the sake of their ego’s and not the good that they could perform. That is the curse of their generation.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

A Million Dollar Idea

By Christopher Wilde

 

Sorry folks for not keeping up with my daily posts.  There's so much to write about but this last week I've been moving and I'm exhausted.  This is the second move in six months and each time I move I manage to shake off more and more of my personal possessions.  That's good as I'm planning a move across country after the summer. 

I've been just teaming with stuff to say about the election but it will have to wait.  Congratulations to Barack Obama, he deserves it.

Alright, here's the million dollar idea.  Someone needs to make a plastic Geico gecko that fits on top of your car antenna.  The hole should run through his chest at an angle, be sure to paint lots of blood around the hole.  For an extra touch make sure it spins in the wind.

 

Don't worry I'll be back to the keyboard soon!